Lizard hands

While asking Tiffany what I should write about in my blog for today, she answered, "Lizard hand" Um, OK. I think I can do that. The true meaning of her subject however was dry hands. I believe it would be much more interesting and fun if I made up a story about a man who had actual hands of a lizard. Now, for creativity sake, I am going to give him a fake name. That name is Marty Casey. I know, I am quite creative. Anywhoodle, what follows is the soon to be classic short story entitled, "Lizard Hands, the story of Marty Casey"




It was winter. The weather had been entirely too cold and when the wind blew it left a hole in your soul. The towns people who lived in the small village of Amphiba Falls were holding tight to their resolve because it had been rumored that all the oil was drying up and they soon would be without lanterns and other random items that use oil to either warm them or light their homes. Chaos was on the horizon and the town lusted for a hero to stop the pending doom.

unannounced to them, one such hero lived on the outskirts of the village in a small wooden shack. His name was Marty Casey, and he had never set foot in the public settings of Amphiba Falls. Why you ask? Well friend, the reason is simple. Our soon to be saviour had a bizarre ailment, he was born with a grotesque deformity that would make even blind men look twice. Our protagonist was born with hands unlike any man ever seen. Marty Casey had lizard hands.

The mayor of Amphiba Falls was in full on panic mode. His heart raced when he saw the "Oil Level Meter" flashing "DIRE DIRE DIRE" and he did what any good Republican would do. He blamed the poor disenfranchised minorities and ran to the hills. After his press conference he grabbed his brief case, a fifth of scotch and ran into the forest directly towards the shack where Marty Casey lived.

Oh the shock was priceless when the mayor stumbled upon the humble dwelling. He knew not what to imagine was going on inside the three and a half walls that made up this shabby abode. He did know, however that desperate times called for desperate feats so he took all his self righteous ideals and threw them aside and proceeded to pull on the bell and alert the resident of his presence.

The door opened and a man stood in the door way. He was tall, and smiling. The mayor noticed he was barefoot and yet wearing plaid wool mittens on his hands. The mayor explained his situation and asked the man if he had any idea where he can find answers to his growing problem.

Marty Casey took a deep breath, bent his left knee back and kicked the mayor straight in the balls so quick and hard that the mayor blacked out from both shock and pain. When the mayor woke he saw the man sitting next to him holding an envelope.

"I am sorry, that is out of line." Marty said as he helped the mayor to his feet.

"What the hell, why did you kick me while I was searching for help?" the mayor said crying softly.

"I can't help it I have lizard hands, but here, use this to buy furnaces and floor lamps." Marty said as he hands over the envelope and walks slowly back to his meager domicile.

"Wait," the mayor says after looking at the contents of the envelope, "this is too generous, you have never even set foot in our city, and you want to help us. Why? How do you find such generosity in your heart?"

"I figure it's the least I can do, I mean, after all, I am sleeping with your wife"

EL FIN.

See, much better than talking about dry skin. Oh and Tiffany, I have some lotion if you need it.

Here is the Marty Casey love for this post. A video where he lays down a lot. Oh and if you are so inclined, check out his hands...:)