Wrinkled Underpants

And now, for a story.

Wrinkled Underpants- A story of HammerFest 2010.

by Sarah McKeever Hitt

After the show at House Of Blues on February 13th 2010, Marty Casey was taking off his two pairs of socks, when he noticed that something was majorly off with the situation. He had no idea what the issue was, but he could sense deep in his soul that the night's show was lacking his usual magic. He looked over at his band mates, and he might as well have been invisible, since no matter how loud he called out to them, they simply walked out of the room with out so much as a glance in his direction.

"Bob, Dino, Bill, Cousin Bill!" he urgently shouted "why are you avoiding me? What is going on here? Bobby, is it because you had to see my crack so much tonight? I told you I was sorry, but I can't help the over zealous way that I perform." No reaction came from his fellow LoveHammers."

He followed his band out of the dressing room, took a deep breath and prepared himself for the onslaught of admiration from his lady fans. Down the hall he could hear the voices of the usual cast of characters and he knew that once the band saw how beloved he was amongst these women, they would remember how amazing he is and maybe a little of that would rub off on him. Tonight, he needed that.

Smile on his face, he proceeded out into the lobby of the venue. Marty couldn't believe it. Nobody seemed interested in talking to him. The usual ladies didn't even seem to notice he was there. "Alright the party can start now!" he said loudly and desperately hoping for some sort of response and got none. This night was turning out to be the absolute worst night Marty Casey had seen in the last long while. That was until she showed up.

She had been to other shows before and always had a rather confused look on her face whenever she spoke to him, yet something told him that she may have some sort of answer for him, or at the very least, she would ask him to take a picture with her. She always did that. Marty walked over to where she was standing and smiled real big at the supremely gorgeous, tall, obviously intelligent and hilarious brunette woman with brown eyes. (subtle, I know) "Hey baby, can I just say that I think it is so wonderful that you came out tonight" he blurted out without thinking.

The supermodelesque beautiful, hilarious, intelligent woman looked at him like he was the single most confusing person on the face of the planet. "Ahhh," he thought, "at least this part of tonight is normal, she always looks at me like i have two heads. In fact I would be highly confused if she smiled at me at all." His thoughts were so strong that his head was nodding and he was smiling like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. This made the puzzled look on the face of the radiantly beautiful amazon like woman standing before him even more pronounced.

"Marty, I feel like there is something you should know." the woman said, as she put her hands on his arm.

"What is it? You really liked the show? It was great wasn't it? The way we had those pictures of us from back in the day mixed with the lazar show and the fancy screens in the back that changed color? I particularly found the part when the British girl totally called out her online boyfriend and I had them dance in the background to Trees! This may have been one of the most mother fucking rocking shows we as the Lovehammers had ever done. Bobby's drumming was intense and spot on, Dino's bass playing was out of this world even with being sick, Billy was just about the closest thing to a white Jimi Hendrix as you can get, and of course we have Cousin Bill who is, as you know, quite amazing and fucking hilarious. And do not even get me started on last night's show at Double Door. We tore that shit up! I had to fly away like a bat wearing my long heavy puffy coat, but you understand, it was late and I had to do a trunk show in the early afternoon. But thanks for the compliment, it is always really nice when you support us as much as you do. It really makes all of this worth it."

"Actually, where as all that is true, I really just wanted you to know that your pants are ripped and your entire back side is showing. It was like that the entire show. At first I thought you knew and were just being kinda creepy, but once you started jumping about, and later singing the slower songs, I knew you had no idea. That is why everybody is acting so distant, they are too afraid to tell you. Here, use this." she says, handing him a zebra print hoodie, "It will cover up your wrinkled underpants and it matches that really expensive bamboo scarf that I will never be able to afford perfectly. Now I am gonna go talk to my friend and Cousin Bill. Have a good rest of the night, and it was great seeing you" she says as she walks away. "Oh and don't worry, you can keep the sweatshirt"

"You are so amazing" he whispers as she walks out of earshot. The rest of the night went off with out a hitch and slowly but surely all Marty's minions and even eventually the rest of the band started to come around. As he sang "Mr Brightside" at the afterparty he knew for one brief second, that the song pertained specifically for him.

El Fin

(OK so that was clearly an exaggerated account of events, but what do you expect from someone who goes by the pseudonym "The Girl Who Faked It", the truth?)

And now, for the Marty Casey love for the post...see, some of this actually happened...